Zoey's Got Guts

I’m lost. Somehow, I got lost.

I don’t really know how 
I got lost,
But You, Jesus, 
Are the Great Finder.

Can You find me,   
All of me,  
And bring these dry bones
Back to life?

Is my restoration possible?
I’m tired and worn down.
I’m not following through
On anything.

I don’t seem able to manage
Myself right now,
Let alone work
And family obligations.

My brain is tired and worn down.
Is it still whole?
Or have the immense stresses
I’ve lived under damaged it?

I miss my good mind
And my strong body. 
They got lost too.

I’m despairing of
Actually functioning well enough
To parent my two kids and work. 

I have so many big emotions
That need processing.

Find me, Jesus.
Find all of me—  
I’ve lost my mind,
My body is falling apart
And I’m overwhelmed.

Will I emotionally get
Gummed up as often
And as deeply as I do now?

Instead of being
The great pretender—
You, Jesus,
Are the GREAT FINDER—  
You can find anything.
You can find anyone.

Find me, Jesus, find me—  
I’m Yours and I’ve gotten
Temporarily lost
Even though it feels permanent.

Take me by the hand
And lead me to the stream. 
Have Your ravens
Bring me food to eat.
I thirst. I hunger.

Give me that living water
That never runs dry!

Do You really rejoice over me
With singing—  
With singing, Jesus?!
What song do You sing over me?

Are You singing over me now?
Even as I struggle?

Will You sing me songs
Of joy and love?
Will You paint the landscape
Of me with peace and rest?
Will You paint over
My stormy interior with
Blue skies and summer rains?

Refresh my soul, Jesus.
Strengthen my inner being.

Incline Your heart to me, 
Even now in my darkest times.

Heal these parts of me
So impacted by trauma.
Heal me and make me whole.

Help me feel all the feelings
That are stuck inside me
That need to be grieved.

Help me feel, Jesus. 
Enlarge my ability to feel
All that hard stuff in real time.

Create in me a clean heart,
O Jesus, 
Renew a right spirit within me.

There is chaos inside of me—
Refine me from the inside.
Restore me.

Help me not bury emotions,
But feel them deeply and fully.
When I do feel them fully,
Those emotions dissipate
Like dandelion fluff in the wind.

Feeling emotions repressed
For decades might not
Sound scary to some,
But it feels terrifying to me.

Help me grieve. Help me heal.
Help this “Not-a-Captive”
Live like the free woman she is.

Those who Jesus sets free
Are free indeed.

Help me taste and drink
Of that freedom like that
Colorful Samaritan woman
Who had no shame, announcing,
“Come and see that man who
Knows all about me!”

I was blind, but now I see.
I was lost, but I’ve been found.

Help me be who
You intended me to be.
Nothing more, nothing less.

Thank You for loving me
Even when I’ve been the most
Cranky and difficult to live with.

Thank You for caring enough
To not let me stay
In those defeated places.
Thank You for loving me enough
That You heal, redeem,
Renew and restore.

Thank You for tears.
They are a balm
That soothes my soul.

Never leave me! Never let me go!
I am Yours and You are mine.

The gift of You, Jesus,
Is priceless! Bless the people
Who told me of You! 

I want You! And I need You! I am
Yours to do with what You will!

I entrust myself to You.
I entrust my dear husband
And kids to You. I entrust all
That matters to me to You.

I’d say, “Take good care of me
And my family,”
But You need no instruction. 

Jesus, I am counting on You
Walking with me every step
Of this overwhelming,
Painful, confusing time!

All praise to You,
The Great Finder,
Who can find and heal me
No matter how lost
And confused I am!

The End

Additional ways to engage with this poem (tell your story to yourself, a friend, or Creator):

• Have you, like Zoey, felt lost?
• Do you recognize yourself in a part of the poem? Where?
• What feelings or body sensations do you experience as you read it?
• What does this poem remind you of in your own life? Any kid or adult memories?
• What part of this poem touches your heart or is hard for you?
• If there is someone you think would be encouraged by this poem, Tammy and Zoey are happy for you to share it with others!

Feel free to mark up this poem—make it yours! Put your name in it, rewrite passages, cross out what doesn’t apply.