Loveable Even When Making Mistakes
Little Amelia, age 6,
(the name of one of
Zoey’s younger parts)
Believes she is detestable,
But she wants her mom
To love her.
Her mom says she loves Amelia,
But the blank face
And flat-sounding responses
Say the opposite to Amelia.
And that blank face
Is what Amelia
Believes in her innermost being.
That’s what kids believe most—
The nonverbal communication
From caregivers.
(Adult Zoey speaks)
I feel sad for Amelia,
Still soft and easily hurt.
She hasn’t put up
Thorny defenses
Like the teen girl has.
(Little Amelia speaks)
Mama, won’t you love me?
Please, Mama, love me!
I’ll try harder to not make
Dad mad at us.
I’ll try harder to take care of you.
I’ll try harder not to upset you.
I’ll try harder not to make mistakes.
Please, Mama,
I’ll be good.
I promise to be good.
Please love me, Mama!
Please love me!
(Adult Zoey speaks)
Oh, Little Girl,
Your mom loved you.
She just didn’t know how
To work through her own pain,
So her pain kept falling
Down on you.
Being loved isn’t a matter of
Doing everything right
Or making no mistakes,
Even though it feels that way to you.
Your mom loves you
Because you are hers—
Not a thing to be owned,
But that you are a part of her
And came from her tummy.
Most moms love their kids—
But some are worried or scared—
So their love comes out funny.
That’s what happened to you—
Your mom’s love came out funny—
It got twisted.
But there is One
Whose love doesn’t come out funny,
Whose love is pure and good.
His love soothes
Our aching hearts.
His love penetrates
Even the most hardened of hearts.
Do you know who I
Am speaking of, Amelia?
(Little Amelia speaks)
Jesus.
His name is Jesus.
And He loves me
Even when I'm bad.
He loves me
Even when my mom doesn’t
Like me or love me.
Zoey wipes the tears from
Amelia’s face.
(Adult Zoey speaks)
Dear Girl,
Being loved by Jesus
Isn’t based on what we do.
It’s based on who we are!
We belong to Jesus and
We are loved by Him
Because He created us.
He wanted you from before
There was time.
He planned you—
Your birth and the days of your life!
And He’s not so concerned
About you “making mistakes
And upsetting your dad,”
Like your mom is.
Jesus is focusing on your character.
He helps you learn to
Be kind and have patience.
He helps you learn to
Love people and animals.
He helps you learn to apologize
When you hurt somebody.
He doesn’t yell and scream.
Jesus is NOT your dad.
In fact, He expects you to
Make mistakes all along the way—
Because when you try
Something new,
There are always mistakes,
That’s how we learn.
And great inventors
Made lots of mistakes
Before they made something new—
Like cars and planes
And houses using
Energy from the sun.
And because your mom
Was scared of your dad,
Her eyes didn’t light up with joy
When they saw you.
Moms’ and dads’ eyes
Are supposed to light up with joy
When they see their kids.
You didn’t feel loved
By your mom, because
Her face didn’t light up
When she saw you.
Her face looked blank
Because she was sad
And scared of your dad.
Her face wasn’t blank
Because she didn’t love you.
Amelia, it was blank
Because she was very, very sad
And scared.
But remember your
Kindergarten teacher
And how her eyes sparkled
When she saw you?
And you knew she loved you
By how sparkly her eyes were and
Seeing her mouth move into a smile.
Your mom really loved you,
But she wasn’t able to show it
Because of how scared she was
Around your dad.
(Little Amelia speaks)
Amelia’s brow furrows as she
Figures out something important.
“Oh . . . Jesus must love me!
His eyes sparkle at me and
His mouth turns into a smile
When He sees me.
She turns toward Jesus.
Do You love me, Jesus?
Do You?
(Jesus speaks)
Yes, Amelia, I love you.
I will always love you.
(Little Amelia speaks)
Amelia’s mouth trembles
As she voices her big concern.
Even when I make mistakes, Jesus,
Will you love me even then?
(Jesus Speaks)
Yes, Amelia, I will love you
Even when you make
1000 mistakes!
One way we learn is
By our mistakes.
Mistakes aren’t bad things
We do wrong.
They are just mistakes.
Your dad treated mistakes
As if you were breaking the law.
Mistakes aren’t that kind of thing.
Listen to Me—
When you hurried to get a soda
Out of the fridge for your dad
And he yelled at you because
It wasn’t “cold enough,”
What he did was wrong.
He called you an idiot.
And he told your mom
That she couldn’t even raise you
To do anything right.
Then your mom got after you
And told you to hurry faster
When your dad wants a drink
And make sure it is icy cold.
Amelia,
You aren’t bad for bringing
Your dad a drink that wasn’t
Cold enough.
He should not have yelled and
Called you names.
And your mom shouldn’t have
Gotten after you
For upsetting your dad because
You didn’t do anything wrong.
And I want you to know that
Doing something wrong
Does NOT make you stupid.
What your dad said about you
Are lies.
You did not deserve
To be yelled at.
Your dad wasn’t doing that right.
Your dad has a bad habit of being
Impatient, demanding, and angry
A lot of times.
What your dad did was
Hurt your heart
And your mom didn’t
Protect you from him.
In “good-enough” families,
Moms and dads protect their kids,
Especially when someone
Is hurting a kid’s heart or body.
Your mom didn’t protect you
And your dad kept
Hurting your heart.
“Good-enough” moms and dads
Say, “Thank you for
Bringing me a cold drink!
You are kind and helpful.”
Jesus pauses for a moment.
Now remember, Amelia,
You are not living
With your mom and dad anymore!
You are a part of Adult Zoey.
(Adult Zoey speaks)
I’m sorry, Amelia,
For scaring you yesterday.
I was grumpy and
A little checked-out.
I bet that reminded you of Mom,
When her face looked blank.
(Little Amelia speaks)
It did, Zoey! It did!
I don’t like it when your
Face looks blank. It feels like
You don’t love me then.
Amelia’s words pierce Zoey’s heart.
(Adult Zoey speaks)
Oh, Amelia, I love you even then,
Even though it doesn’t feel like it
When my face looks blank.
I still love you
And there is One who
Loves you best -- Jesus!
He doesn’t get mad when you
Make a mistake.
His eyes light up when He sees you.
He is pleased when you help Him.
Amelia, Jesus always
Tells you the truth.
He is known for His kindness
To kids.
Jesus Cares for Amelia
Zoey walks with Amelia over to Jesus. Jesus reaches His hand down to Amelia’s. “You are just the right size to go on an adventure with me. Where would you like to go?”
She grasps his hand in excitement, saying, “To see baby ducks! Let’s go to the pond!”
“Would you like to sit on my shoulders as we walk to the pond?”
“I’m too big for You, Jesus! Your back will hurt. I’m supposed to be a big girl!”
“Amelia, my back won’t hurt and I’m strong enough to carry you. Even though you are a big girl, you can get a ride on my shoulders.”
A sober, but hopeful Amelia asks, “Can I? Can I really get a ride on Your shoulders?” He sweeps her up in His arms and tosses her onto His shoulders.
“Jesus, I’m so tall up here! I can see everywhere! Look—six baby ducks! Oh, no—where’s the mama?” She searches the pond and the shore for the mama, and relieved, says, “Oh, she’s behind the rock!”
Jesus sets Amelia down on a log and sits beside her. She sneaks her hand into His big hand, and His fingers wrap around hers as they watch the mama duck enter the water and start to swim.
“The duckies are climbing onto the mom’s back . . . How many can she carry? Are there too many duckies on her back?” Amelia sounds distressed.
“No, Amelia, watch and see!”
Amelia watches the duckies. “She goes slower, Jesus, with six duckies on her back . . . But there is room for them all.” She pauses and then smiles wide, “I like baby ducks, Jesus!”
“Me, too, My girl!
“Now remember that I don’t get upset when you make mistakes. And I don’t get too tired to be with you. I give you my full attention—I’m not worried and stressed like your mom or scary like your dad.
“And you are actually not in your mom and dad’s house anymore! You are living in your adult self now. And, even though Adult Zoey has felt scary to you, she’s been working on being safer. She’s worked hard on that. And I’m helping her to be safer for you.
“So, watch and see! And remind yourself, ‘I’m not living with my mom and dad. It’s a lot safer now.’ And I am always safe for you, Amelia. And like that mama duck, there is always room for you with me! Always!”
Amelia does a happy dance, singing, “Jesus always has room for me! He’s happy when I’m trying new things. And He’s teaching me and helping me when I make mistakes. Mistakes mean I’m growing and learning. Jesus wants to be with me even when my mom is too upset or too tired to want to be with me. Jesus wants me and His face isn’t scary!”
Amelia sits back down on the log. With slightly pudgy little hands, she reaches up to pull Jesus’s head down to hers. “I like you, Jesus!”
And He smiles back at her, his eyes crinkling up. And He thinks, She is Mine and I am hers. My much-loved girl who brings joy to My heart.
The End
Adult Zoey and Her Parts
When a child’s heart is broken many times, the heart is fractured and the pieces of it don’t communicate with each other very well. It’s feels confusing. Some names for Adult Zoey’s “parts” (or pieces) are Little Me, Teen Me, and Little Amelia.
These parts believe they still live in the abusive home Zoey grew up in. They experience life as scary and overwhelming, which makes Adult Zoey feel scared and overwhelmed.
Both Zoey and Jesus are helping Zoey’s parts meet and learn to trust Jesus, receive compassion, and replace believed lies with His healing truth. The more Zoey and Jesus can take care of these scared and angry parts inside of her, the calmer and more integrated Zoey will feel inside.
Questions to Consider
- Tell Jesus about areas you believe you are “too big,” “too much,” “too sensitive,” or “too ________” for someone.
- Do you recognize yourself in this article?
- What feelings and body sensations do you experience as you read it?
- What does this remind you of in your own life? Any adult memories? Any kid memories?
- What part touches your heart or is hard for you?
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